Vampire season is almost upon us; that's when walkers have to stroll in the moonlight if they plan to beat the heat. But you still have a little time to mingle with mortals, so you better get cracking.
Start at Union Bakery on the corner of Monterey and Fair Oaks. The cinnamon rolls are their best seller, but I can never say no to the Hamentashen (a triangular-shaped shortbread cookie filled with jam.) Tell you what, try a cinnamon roll and get back to me.
Had your snack? Ready to go? Let's walk. Head east on Monterey. Like many busy streets, there is more to see on this street than you'll ever notice in a car so look...listen...observe. You will be tested on this later.
Turn right on Marengo. Pass Marengo School. Notice the kindergarteners playing on their playground. Remember when your kids were that little and sweet? Me neither. I think it's all an optical illusion designed to pump up local property values.
Turn right at Laurel Street. Notice that there are some big and stately homes on this street. Remember when your home was that big and stately? Me neither. I think that's another optical illusion.
At Fair Oaks turn right. Make your way to Oak, where you will see the South Pasadena Middle School and its iconic bell tower. Don't even look at those kids. They are all busy winning county-wide science fairs. Yeah, I'm talking to you Raymond Gilmartin, you and your excellent parents! Go throw a rock through a window or something. You're making us all feel inferior. Yeah, I'm talking to you, parents of Raymond Gilmartin.
Once you're past your petty feelings of jealous animosity turn left onto Oak. Cross Fremont. Notice Holy Family School, another excellent educational establishment in our fair city.
Turn right onto Ramona. Turn left on Rollin, where you will see the South Pasadena High School, recently named a Gold Medal school by US News and World Report (SPHS is ranked 79th in the state and 421st in the nation). Well done, Tigers!
Turn right onto Diamond. Watch all the athletic people playing tennis, basketball, and doing other sporty activities. Don't feel bad! You are walking! You are as good as any of them, except maybe that tall kid with the basketball. He's excellent.
Turn right at Lyndon. When you get to Fremont you will need to make a choice. You can cross the street here, but there is no light. If you want to cross anyway, here is what you do. Make solid eye contact with those drivers! Make them own their actions and stop for you. If that seems too ambitious go a block north and cross at Monterey. Let's say, for argument's sake, you cross at Lyndon. Fine.
Keep going east on Lyndon until you reach Fair Oaks. If you must, get yourself a coffee, or even an eggplant (bake one hour at 400 degrees, scoop the insides out and puree them with garlic and a little olive oil—delicious on pita bread). Go one block north on Fair Oaks and--what do you know—you are back where you started!
1. Start at the corner of Monterey and Fair Oaks. Walk east on Monterey.
2. Turn right onto Marengo.
3. Turn right onto Laurel.
4. Turn right onto Fair Oaks.
5. Turn left onto Oak.
6. Turn right onto Ramona.
7. Turn left onto Rollin.
8. Turn right onto Diamond.
9. Turn left onto Lyndon.
10. Being very careful, cross Lyndon at Fremont and keep heading east. (Alternatively, cross at Monterey and Fremont and double back to Lyndon.)
11. At the corner of Lyndon and Fair Oaks, turn left onto Fair Oaks.
12. Walk to Monterey and Fair Oaks, which is where you started.