Patch Blog: Why I Chose Celibacy

I was looking at the reflection in the mirror. A man stared back. Over 40 years ago, he walked away from the Catholic Church.

"Why would he come back to a Church that considers homosexuals to be an outcast in society." But there he stood staring back. The question posed interesting because he had a good point; the Church has a long-standing in the condemnation of those with the same sex attraction.

The church welcomes homosexuals, but limits where homosexuals stand in the Catholic church. I turned away from him and pondered the ludicrousness of a church that welcomes homosexuals with arms closed in judgment.

"My consolation," he said, "is the idea that we are all children of God, and we must recognize that the church still has a long way to go in resolving their discriminatory policies. Forgive them." I shook my head and turned back to the mirror.

There are no constitutional laws against a religious organization that chooses to discriminate. And why should there be a law? A church should be the last place where discrimination takes place. It is the church that teaches us that we are all children of God.

It was no wonder I left the church when I was a young man. I had been unwelcome in a home called Church, but yet I was a child of God. The contradiction baffled me. After all, I am me, the very person that the Church claims God made in His image, yet unwelcome in Gods home.

Father forgive me for being as I am, as you made me, in your image. Or should I forgive God for this blasphemy? Or maybe being homosexual is no blasphemy whatsoever. Could it be the blasphemy exist in the structure of the hierarchy of those who claim to run the very house of God?

For the record: "The Church's teaching on the sinfulness of homosexual acts is much more nuanced than is commonly believed by the media and by some Catholics:" It has been argued that the homosexual orientation in certain cases is not the result of deliberate choice; and so the homosexual person would have no choice but to behave in a homosexual fashion.

Lacking freedom, such a person, even if engaged in homosexual activity, would not be culpable. Here, the Church's wise moral tradition is necessary since it warns against generalizations in judging individual cases. In fact, circumstances may exist, or may have existed in the past, which would reduce or remove the culpability of the individual in a given instance; or other circumstances may increase it. What is at all costs to be avoided is the unfounded and demeaning assumption that the sexual behavior of homosexual persons is always and totally compulsive and therefore inculpable. (Wikipedia)

The wisdom is in the last sentence, it is about balance. Compulsive behavior leads to destruction and leads us away from the sacredness of Life, God and Love. Celibacy is not about SEX. Celibacy is about Self love and self respect. It's meaning has been so misconstrued. Celibacy has to do with not using your body or allowing others to use your body. Your body is the temple of God. Celibacy is a vow taken by Priest and Nuns but it also is a vow taken within the mind and soul of an individual when the want a relationship that is real, true and begins from the heart, not the chemical reactions that begin in the mind and head straight to the groin.

Celibacy is about consideration of the self. It begs the questions: Is this good for me? Does this celebrate the sacred dance of life or does it exploit me? Do I know this person or am I driven by the mad passion of chemicals?

I am the man in the mirror. I came back to the Catholic church, because I needed God and Our Lady. I know that arms of God are open to me even when the hearts of others are closed. I found refuge and solace in the arms of God and confidence that we are made in the image of God. God loves us without prejudice and I needed that love more than any human love I had received.

I have been in relationships that were loving and fulfilling, and I have been broken by the bone crushing pain of passion. For over 40 years, there was a hole in my heart because I missed my connection to God. I chose to serve God and in that choice I chose celibacy. It is not my mission to "sell" celibacy. It is my mission to lead people back to the love of God and with that, they take God with them in their daily lives. God gave us free will and choice. We are free to make any choice but we also know with those choices are consequences. The love and power of God, in my opinion, helps us choose wisely. Celibacy has brought me wisdom, but that is my choice and reward.

I was recently asked to join Courage, the only gay Catholic group approved by the Vatican. My invitation was based on my experience with the celibate lifestyle. While Courage offers spiritual guidance to those struggling with the trials and tribulations of the homosexual lifestyle, they also promote abstinence.

I also teach with a clear understanding that we are all human and that even when we succumb to temptation, God is always ready to forgive us. If we falter from time to time we understand that we are human and forgive ourselves and others. Courage was to be a place where I could share my ideas with love, compassion and understanding. As for dictating what a sin is and what is not, is something only God can do. There's no judging on earth. God will have the final say.

I believe that God called me to this mission, not to condemn the homosexual lifestyle, but to be an example and witness to the love of God. Not to stand in judgment, yet to be an example that we are all children of God.

My conversion back to the church has been a remarkable journey. I have faced the discrimination, been asked to not wear a religious habit and been welcomed with closed arms. I remind myself, as I gaze at my reflection that I didn't do this because it would be easy. I did it because I was called.

In 2008, I began the Brothers of Padre Pio. After the first year I began to realize I needed to be making a greater impact in the lives of the faithful. It was then that I made the decision to wear a habit. My mission is to unite the faithful with God, not corruption. In that, I remain true to my vow of celibacy, not for sexual reasons but for the value of choosing wisely.

Br. Christopher Sale B.P.P.