Patch Blog: Dadmissions About Sick Kids

Alicia and Andreya were both out of school for a couple of days with fevers, so it really got me thinking.

I've learned a few things already being a dad to two little girls. Number one: You can never buy the kids enough new toys. Number two: Your home and your car will never be clean again. Number three: If one of the kids gets sick, be prepared for a ride on the sickly-go-round. Can you hear the circus music? Because when it comes to germs, what goes around comes around.

Dadmission:
If I could spray down the girls with a Lysol power wash to prevent the spread of colds, I would.

I now have new appreciation for my Grandma Mildred. When I was a little kid and I'd go to her house, she'd actually spray the telephone with Lysol right after I used it, right in front of me. She'd blast me full force with that Lysol can. But maybe my grandma was on to something.

Because here's what I've figured out. At the first sign of a cold, we are in for a one month cycle of sneezing, snotting, and coughing (it actually sounds like it could have been a hit by Journey). When the lights go down in the city, and you have sick kids, you will pay dearly. I'm not talking high fevers and scary medical maladies. I'm talking about the 90 percent of all colds (not an actual percentage... this is just for conversation sake) that basically mean your weekend is a bust and you're next in line to get whatever they have.

When the kids come home sick from the germ incubator (your family may use words like school or daycare), you know they'll be grumpy, they'll be sneezing, they'll be coughing, and they'll be running a low-grade fever ... not high enough to cause alarm, just high enough to ensure you're not going to get a full night sleep.

Now in the olden days, the doctor would visit the homes on Little House on the Prairie with his satchel full of medical tools and a whiskey flask. In modern times, drop a hundred bucks at CVS or Target, and you should be good to go.

Here's what you'll need to survive the house full of sick kids: Children's Tylenol, Children's Motrin and a thermometer. You'll need Kleenex, any throat medicine in bubble gum or grape flavor, Hello Kitty Band-aids, a pricey humidifier in the shape of some zoo animal, coloring books, and Netflix ... not necessarily in that order ... and not necessarily all for the kids.

The trick is to TIME the colds. Each cold lasts about five days start to finish, and as one kid ends their cold, the other kid begins their cold. Then comes me or the Dad figure in your home. I always get sick third. I'm a baby about it. I get under blankets, go into hibernation, and watch Deadliest Catch until I go peacefully to sleep. Gloria is always the last to get sick. But it happens. And when she gets sick, the household comes to a stop.

Dadmission:
Ideally, you want your spouse to wrap up a cold on Monday, so they're in the clear by Friday and you have a glimmer of hope to get your weekend back.

If your spouse gets sick, make friends with your closest pizza joint, or in our house, We make two calls when the girls get sick, the doctor and the pizza place—and not necessarily in that order. You need to feed a cold, and takeout pizza works a whole lot better than chicken soup. It's also easier to clean up. Chicken soup requires actual cooking. Pizza. Place the order. Feed the kids. Then you can say you cooked. Done.

One final word about kids and sickness: Call me Nostradamus. In the year 2200, there will be facilities where kids can live out their sickness in suspended animation. When they get healthy again, they can return to the parental pod. The future looks bright.

When was the last time your kids got sick? What are your tricks to surviving?