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Health & Fitness

Aids, Just Another Cross

On April 29, 2014 I will be a six year survivor of Aids. Each year I try to write something new about my journey. The highs and the lows. But somehow this year I have little to report. In fact, I believe I've reached a pivotal year of survival. A year when I completely forgot I have Aids. I suppose I've surpassed the mourning period. The day to day worrying about the gamble, the roll of the dice days when a sniffle or body ache would set off an alarm no longer plaques my mind. You see what I have learned about having Aids is that its no different from any other curveball that God throws our way. Its all about the crosses that God gives us and our willingness to carry them. There's no doubt that God dealt me a bad hand of cards., but I've learned to play it well.

At one time Aids was considered a death sentence. But let's face it., life is a death sentence. Life is about living until the good Lord say's enough is enough. Life is about waking up everyday and facing our daily trials and tribulations and making the best of it. For me it revolves around simplicity. I spent the vast majority of my life chasing the thrills and frills; a self absorbed all about me kind of guy determined to have it all, and do it all and dammed be the consequences. I think having Aids is God's way of telling me to knock it off wise guy! It might have been God's way of knocking me down a peg or two. Either way I had it coming to me. The majority of my life was spent on seeking the validation from others, never dressing for myself, but for others. Never thinking for myself, but for others. It was all about impressing others. I attribute this towards all the poor choices I made in life.

My journey with Aids has given me a better perception on life. Just as the late Bishop Fulton Sheen sais "Life is worth living." Even at 63 the daily growing pains of life continue to come my way. You see God will weigh the cross He gives you making it suitable for you to carry. God knows your strength.

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In 2008 God gave me the cross of having Aids. For weeks I danced around that cross with an unwillingness to accept it. I had already carried enough crosses in my life to last a life time. I first viewed this cross as some sort of sadistic joke being played on me by God. After several weeks of shame, depression and loneliness I came to realize it was no joke. It was reality. I remembered the prophetic words by Pope John Paul II, "When the cross is embraced it becomes a sign of love and of total self-giving. To carry it behind Christ means to be united with Him in offering the greatest proof of love...the choice is between a full life and an empty existence, between truth and falsehood."

Come that July in 2008 I gave every ounce of my fate over to God. I relinquished all my self-loathing, anger and bitterness. Whatever happens is in the hands of God. There is the stigma of having Aids. Discrimination, hatred  still exist. But for me God is singing the lyrics. "Demons are prowling everywhere, nowadays. I'll send 'em howling. I don't care. I got ways. No one's gonna hurt you, no one's gonna dare. Others can desert you, not to worry, whistle, I'll be there."

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In 2008 God gave me the courage to tell my story. For me personally there is no stigma. I have been blessed in ways that are beyond calculation. And to think, it was all about accepting one cross. I have learned to carry my cross. I have also learned to set my cross aside to help others carry theirs, just as Simon did for Christ. There is no greater love for Christ then to lay down our cross and help someone carry theirs.

Yes, just as the late Fulton Sheen said "Life is Worth Living."

Br. Christopher Sale B.P.P.

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